A New Moon Rises

No one is aware of the changes occurring in my life to the point that I wonder if they are really happening.
Oh, yeah, it's a new year.
The sixth day of it, in fact.
I've hardly noticed.
Internal changes are present but I barely recognize any adjustments outside myself.
Like that Dandy song. . .
"Hear me out, I must have changed."
The title, "Everyone Is Totally Insane" is fitting.

If you think of the term "worldview" in literal terms, I've traded in my glasses for a different prescription.
And I feel like speaking in purposely vague terms, so I'm gonna.

2009 was the worst year of my life.
If I could represent it in some kind of effigy, I would use napalm.
Never mind. That's a tough thing to say.
2009 had its moments.
Nothing happened, but in tiny bouts, I felt something breathing. Most of those times involved travel to little scraps of desert realty. California, Arizona, Nevada.

A friend died.
Remorse aside, that set off one weird chain of events.
I had to reexamine every one of my beliefs to make sure I was ready for that kind of thing. Turns out I'm not.

I got my foot in the door of some journalism career thing I suppose I want.
Wait. No, I want it. I know what I want. Most of the time.

Oh, we all do some things we regret, but not as much as the things we don't do.
I was sorta supposed to finish a novel a hundred times over.
And what else? Don't know, don't care.
I need chains to be free.

I guess my stumbling thoughts can be summed up in how I am coming full circle. Yeah. So where I started has led me to be where I already was.


It's interesting how the book of Ecclesiastes maps my recent thoughts perfectly. Everything is meaningless, even the good things, especially the good things.

The only question it leaves is: what to do now?

I haven't gotten to that part of the book yet.

I like resolving to be a better person, even if it's just masturbation. So I have one resolution for 2010.

(1.) Don't suck.

A new moon rises.
We press on.